Yo! I’m f*ckin’ Paul Revere!

Imagine if Paul Revere spoke and acted like the average person currently living in Revere. I imagine it would sound something like this:

“Yo, I’m gonna go check if those red-coat-wearin’ queers are comin’ to staht shit with us. I’ll be up in the towah ovah yondah. You know, the one we go to drink ale and stare down women’s corsets – speakin’ of, I hope Mahgerie is out tonight, she’s got a wicked set of cannonballs on her, know whah I mean? HAHA! Anyways, I’ll be up there and if those douchebags are walkin’ their sorry asses this way, I’ll light one candle. If they come sailin’ in on their piece-of-shit boats, I’ll light two candles. Got it? Good. And irregardless of whatevah which way they come prancin’ their coat-tails in here, we fuck’em up. Speakin’ of tail, did you see Sam’s sistah last night? Holy shit, I hope she’s DTF aftah we beat the dog piss outta these limey bastahds. Boston Strong mothafuckas!”

Like a boss

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